RECAP: Beauty and the Beast – Episode 9 – Bridesmaid Up!

Turns out psycho matchmakers can be more dangerous than secret organizations and talking about shoes can help you solve murders

The episode starts with Cat and Heather going over wedding preparations and trying out their Bridesmaid dresses. Cat is totally overcompensating and trying to be the best “daughter of the groom”. What better way to overcompensate than to make up a verb, which she does, as she tells Heather that they are “Bridesmaided up!” She also says it like she is rapping or something, so it is particularly funny. Heather IS the type of girl who would get excited about wedding crap so she is more than happy to bridesmaid it up herself.

Cat runs to her bedroom where Vincent is waiting for her and says what we are ALL thinking: “Bridesmaided up? Is that even a verb?” Cat has finally gotten used to hot guys showing up in her bedroom unannounced so she just invites him in. I noticed something I missed the first 3 [OK 5] times I watched this episode. At this point Vincent believes Mommy Chandler’s serum might have cured him for good and for the first time ever he looks relaxed and playful. He even tells Cat “I feel as festive as you look”. Cat tells him she wishes he could be her date for the wedding; and I love that she actually says it! Characters don’t unnecessarily hide their feelings on this show, remember? Also, the second the wedding idea was thrown around, all I could think was VINCENT IN A TUX. Nothing else mattered; I just wanted VINCENT IN A TUX. Obviously, bringing Vincent to the wedding has its complications. He points out that not enough pigs in a blanket may cause him to go ahggrrr! I do that…  and I don’t have cross-species DNA. No biggie. The other issue is him being dead [not dead dead], but Catherine suggests he could pose as her childhood crush “Vincent Zalanski” [He doesn’t look like a Zalanski]. But the playful chat comes to an end because it is always work with Dr. Zalanski. Vincent is actually there to give Cat a tip on a case. Since Vincent is introducing the CASE OF THE WEEK I like it better than I normally do [which is not at all]. In summary, he saw a guy reeking of blood coming into his brownstone. Cat takes the information and goes back to bridesmaid up the party favors.

The next day, Cat passes on the tip to Tess while she is hosting Brooke’s bridal shower brunch. Cat waits an entire day to follow through a possible murder because she is just the BEST NYPD COP ever.  On an unrelated note Cat’s apartment is an explosion of pink! It looks like the place where unicorns go when they die. Cat needs to go sprinkle [pink] confetti or something so she hangs up. At the PRECINCT it is time for Tess to take care of the PLOT WITH NO PAYOFF. Evan approaches her and shows her surveillance tapes of the precinct. He wants Tess to identify the guy posing as his intern A.K.A “JT-International-Man-of-Mystery”. Evan is all paranoid because he thinks the infiltrator was using his DNA analyzer and trying to steal his “cross-species” research. Dear Evan: 1) JT was merely using the beast-serum-making machine and 2) He knows waaay more than you do about cross-species DNA, so don’t get too cocky.

Back at BRIDAL HEADQUARTERS Cat is hosting a VERY pink party with Heather, Brooke and some of Brooke’s friends, I assume. They are having a lively conversation about shoes and… I could start criticizing the whole girlie behavior; but, to be perfectly honest, I get like that myself when I am with my girlfriends… especially if we are talking about shoes. Plus, we actually learn some valuable lessons like: you can seal your shoe soles with nail polish. I had never heard that before… perhaps because I never had Louboutins. Other thing I was thinking during this scene is that silver shoes would go better than nudes with that dress… See? I can be totally girlie sometimes. However, all the girlie talk can’t stop the inevitable inquisition about Cat’s love life and whether or not she has a date for the wedding. Fortunately, Cat is saved by the bell phone. It is Tess, calling to tell her a little more about the CASE OF THE WEEK. The guy Vincent saw is DRAKE MEYER, an “ultra educated, ultra successful, ultra boring [ultra trouble]” finance guy and his wife SABRINA MEYER is a professional matchmaker. Cat hangs up and the ladies quickly resume the “love life inquisition”.  When they threaten to sit her at the single’s table she panics and blurts out that she “has someone in her life”, which is sorta true; she says he “is a doctor” which is also true and his name is “Vincent Zalanski” which is only half true.

At the PRECINCT Tess is still working the Case, because, you know… Tess ACTUALLY remembers she is a cop most of the time. Cat arrives and tells Tess about making up a boyfriend as result of bridesmaid peer pressure. They go on and on about the hardships of going to weddings alone [That’s when having a good-looking gay friend comes in handy]. Tess tells Cat that she took Joe to a wedding once. That was all the confirmation I needed to conclude they were having an affair, however Cat is so distracted she doesn’t even notice. Tess suggests Cat should take Evan to the wedding, little did she know Cat’s fake boyfriend had a very specific name (Vincent Zalanski). But Tess thinks Evan’s good looks and sexy accent will be enough to distract everyone from the fact that he doesn’t have the right fake boyfriend name.

As the wedding drama was unfolding, Tess managed to find the victim of the CASE OF THE WEEK. Because we had a killer, but not a victim, remember? It’s like ABC’s Motive. NO! I take that back! I will never insult BATB like that and compare it to Motive! Actually, Tess had a LIST of potential victims. Naturally, Cat glanced at Tess’s list and just happened to pick the right name. Don’t forget that on top of being a “Beast Whisperer” she is the BEST NYPD COP EVER and apparently she is also becoming a psychic detective or something [watch out Patrick Jane/Shawn Spencer].

NOT MOTIVE – Beastie Style:

Case of the week: Neil Mendel, single 33 [that is so not relevant].  A finance guy reported missing and later found dead in his steam room.

Suspects:  Drake Meyer, another finance guy. Britney McCabe the mystery date [there is ALWAYS a mystery date, isn’t there?]

At the WAREHOUSE Vincent is trying to get JT to “hit him” so he can confirm that he is in control or something. JT refuses, because he is probably still having flashbacks of being tossed across the room by Vincent when he was in his terminator-beast-trance. And, to be honest, he could probably still kick his ass in human form. I mean… Vincent is really fit… not that I notice that sort of things. JT tells Vincent to get real, he can’t go the wedding and he is not going to hit him. Vincent is still feeling “festive” and acting like a normal carefree guy so he does what any normal guy would do and teases JT, trying to make him hit him. V’s teasing includes the typical comments about his girlfriends and doing them and such… normal guy stuff. JT doesn’t cave and doesn’t hit him. Regardless, Vincent convinces himself he passed his dumb non-scientific test. He just wants to be normal so bad, it’s a little sad.

At the PRECINCT they are still working the CASE OF THE WEEK. They’ve figured NEIL MENDEL (the dead finance guy) was using the matchmaking service owned by SABRINA MEYER, wife of DRAKE MEYER (the still alive finance guy). Cat decides to ask Evan to the wedding. It sorta felt like she was cheating on Vincent didn’t it? I mean, he was trying to get beat up and everything to see if he could go and she was making plans with another guy? Regardless, Evan can’t go to the wedding with Cat because he is going with Heather, who just broke up with her boyfriend. That girl moves FAST. There are so many wrong things with this situation: Evan clearly likes Cat, so why would he go out with her sister? Let’s assume he was being polite and/or wanted to be around Cat. But also, Heather knew (or at least suspected) that Evan and Cat had a flirty thing going on, so why would she ask HIM to be her date? Finally, at this point, Evan had to still be going out with fake name Claire Sinclair, so why is he going to weddings with anyone at all? Whatever the case, Evan realizes Cat was about to ask him to the wedding. She says it is OK, but he is clearly bummed. This was the first time I suspected Evan had real feelings for Cat and not just a flirt/player interest.

Since Vincent is supposed to be fake and Evan is unavailable, Tess encourages Cat to question the matchmaker (SABRINA MEYER) and get a date at the same time. Multitasking, always good. Sabrina doesn’t waste her time and her first question to Cat is: “Are you promiscuous?” She asks that because, apparently, men don’t like funny girls and they don’t like whores [is this a scientific fact? I have my doubts]. Anyway, Sabrina has RULES. As in you break them, you are out and no refunds. Man, this matchmaking is serious business. One of the rules is no sex in the first 3 dates. OK, that sounds reasonable enough, I guess.  Cat tries to get Sabrina to show her a list of her clients, but the friendly approach doesn’t work. Asking about her shoes [with a RED SOLE] doesn’t either, so finally Cat resorts to the “poor single girl” routine and Sabrina let’s her look at the computer. Cat finds NEIL MENDEL’s profile and casually let’s Sabrina know that he was found dead earlier that day. Sabrina plays dumb and conveniently tells Cat that Neil Mendel was set up with BRITNEY MCCABE, A.K.A. the mystery date with a criminal record.

Cat goes back to her apartment where Heather explains she invited Evan because she CANNOT be alone at the wedding. OK, girls…Yes it sucks to go to weddings alone, but come on it is not THAT big of a deal! Heather also tells Cat she always had a HUGE crush on Evan [I guess I can understand that], but she only acted on it because of Cat’s new BOYFRIEND. Vincent doesn’t even wait for Cat to go into her room. He calls her on her cell phone and tells her [in his husky voice] “So, I am your boyfriend now”. Cat walks into her bedroom and finds him there. She is nowhere near as embarrassed as I would be if a guy who is not my boyfriend caught me calling him that. I guess, in the past few episodes, they’ve transitioned from “non-relationship” to “almost relationship”. As Cat gets ready for the rehearsal dinner he tells her he might be able to go to the wedding with her. He tells her about the LEAST SCIENTIFIC TEST IN THE HISTORY; understandably, she is not too impressed. She shuts him down and basically tells him she couldn’t live with herself knowing that she put him in danger for selfish reasons. What she doesn’t realize is that he actually wants to go to the wedding, not just to please her, but because he would like to be out there with her. In the end, they [meaning Cat] decide against it, which makes Festive Vincent a little less festive.

At the REHEARSAL DINNER Cat tries to get out of her fake wedding date, but Mr. Chandler is adamant about her bringing him; because, unlike everyone else, he understands the importance of us seeing VINCENT IN A TUX… or maybe he is just worried about Cat. In summary Mr. Chandler tells Cat that she should stop over-thinking things and put herself out there: “There is no reward without the risk”. That’s actually good fatherly advice… under different circumstances. I thought Rob Stewart was adorable in this scene, which is impressive since I used to get fear-Goosebumps every time Roan appeared on the screen on Nikita[because he was EVIL!]

At the PRECINCT, Tess is reading the MATCHMAKING QUESTIONNAIRE that Cat actually filled out. According to the questionnaire Cat wants someone “Strong, vulnerable, intelligent, heroic”, sounds like ANYONE you know? They actually posted the complete questionnaire online, in case you didn’t see it. Meanwhile, at the WAREHOUSE, Vincent has figured out that since he can’t be Cat’s “fake boyfriend” he may be her “fake detective”. Er… how about her REAL BOYFRIEND? Cat realizes that he went to the crime scene… and we need some episode to episode comparison here:

Cat [episode 3]: YOU WENT TO MY CRIME
SCENE!!!!
[What the hell were you thinking, that’s
interfering with a police investigation!]

Cat [episode 9]: You went to my crime scene?
[Aw that is so sweet of you...do me do me now!]

Vincent tells Cat he saw red paint at the CRIME SCENE. Cat immediately figures out it came from Sabrina’s RED SHOES. I love that Vincent is all “whaaat?” I wouldn’t like my guy to know more about shoes than me. Suddenly it all becomes clear for Cat and she breaks the case. In summary NEIL MENDEL was going to expose DRAKE MEYER’s financial scheme. Sabrina figured it out, killed NEIL MENDEL, called DRAKE and he helped her clean it up. She also set him up with BRITNEY who had a criminal record and would be a likely suspect in the murder. After Vincent and Catherine finish solving the riddle they are very excited and you can feel the heat between them. She finally looks into his eyes and says “You are not fake. You’re the real thing”. They seem to forget J.T. is sitting just a few feet away and I am really surprised he didn’t shout “Get a room” or something of the sort. Their VERY charged moment is interrupted by Cat’s phone. While Cat speaks with Sabrina, Vincent spots the matchmaking questionnaire and takes it, because what’s a little more stalking and invasion of personal privacy between almost lovers, right? Meanwhile Cat turns down the date murderous Sabrina’s found for her, so she is dateless again. Vincent can’t take Cat’s angst any longer [neither can we] and he finally suggests she should take JT. As much as I wanted to see VINCENT IN A TUX, a part of me would have really liked to see JT go as her date! I am still hoping for an episode where JT has to pretend to be Cat’s boyfriend. Also, if you think about it, JT is not a bad choice for a fake boyfriend. He does have a PhD and a job, much better than a “supposed to be dead soldier/non practicing Doctor”. But, Vincent, tux… eyes on the prize.

At the PRECINCT, Cat outs herself as a cop in front of a lawyered-up Sabrina. Since Cat is the BEST NYPD COP EVER she sees fit to tell Sabrina EVERYTHING she knows about her attempted murder without having any actual evidence to charge her. They do, however, have enough to charge DRAKE for fraud. So, Drake will probably go to prison. Sabrina probably won’t go to prison for murder [yet], but she is effectively ruined [let the soap opera sequence begin!]. Before Sabrina leaves, Cat gives her a piece of her mind about how being single doesn’t mean you are broken. You tell her, girl! [Says the single girl]. END OF CASE. For now…

With the case of the week solved, it is time for Tess to go back to the PLOT WITH NO PAYOFF. She spotted JT-international-man-of-mystery on the security footage and got a sketch artist to draw a picture of him. It totally looks like him (sans glasses). SPOILER ALERT However, as the name indicates, this plot will have no payoff.  They will never ID JT, which bothers me! I actually like that Evan and JT end up working together, but it annoys me that this lab break-in went nowhere. I wanted Evan to eventually ID JT, figure out his relationship with Vincent and get a chance to confront him. Instead he finds out about JT from Vincent, minutes before dying. Boo. END OF SPOILER

While Evan vows to find the guy, he will find, but won’t know he found; said guy is complaining about having to be Cat’s fake date. At the same time Vincent is going through the MATCHMAKING QUESTIONNAIRE he stole from Cat. He reads the part where Cat describes her ideal date: “Dinner on a rooftop or hanging out on a fire escape”. He gets super excited when he realizes the whole questionnaire is about him. And I would think it is cute if it wasn’t COMPLETELY OBVIOUS. Is he seriously just figuring out that she is TOTALLY into him? He really has self-esteem issues on top of his oblivious male nature.

At the WEDDING, Cat can’t take it any longer and confesses that Vincent Zalanski is fake! Suddenly everyone starts telling her stories about how their perfect “lives” aren’t so perfect after all. While everyone is sharing sob stories, Cat senses Vincent’s presence and turns around. And there he is, VINCENT IN A TUX looking just as dreamy [or more] as I pictured him. I really like how they cut this scene; it gave the feeling of time standing still and the rest of the world fading. Cat walks towards Vincent and luckily she doesn’t start protesting about M or something. She was probably too struck by his hotness. Without taking his eyes off of her he tells her:“You said in your profile that you like to dance, but you see… JT doesn’t”. CUE ROMANTIC SONG. He takes her hand and leads her to the dance floor. And it is hot and romantic and perfect. Funny fact, I think I may be the least romantic girl in the planet, seriously, ask anyone who knows me personally and they would attest to that. Of course you would never know that from how into this particular love story I am. I was trying to find the way to explain why I like this love story while I find so many others corny and unrealistic. As I was writing this, I came across a quote which brilliantly describes what I was trying [and failing] to say:

“The depth of a couple’s love is in direct proportion to the height of the obstacles overcome to reach it; but much of the joy of reading or watching them is in the choice and structure of the barrier, and the concealment of the means by which it’s going to be dismantled” (Edgar, 2009)

And that is exactly how I feel about TV romances and why some are more epic than others. It’s not just about throwing a bunch of obstacles in the couple’s way for the sake of conflict. Now, back to the episode. I was kind of bummed that no-one saw Cat with Vincent. If I had such a hot date, Muirfield menace be damned, I would have showed him off to EVERYONE.  After they dance, Cat drags him out to a gazebo. I thought it was a little extreme that she was hiding him so much, a corner table would have sufficed, but whatever. What she says, however, makes a lot of sense. She tells him she only made up Vincent Zalanski because she feels like she has someone in her life, but she doesn’t need others to know. In other words she WANTS to be with him, not for the others but for her.

Cat leaves Vincent at the gazebo and goes back inside to get some food. She runs into Heather who out of the blue professes her love for Evan, seriously? You fell in love in one night? This girl has issues. After it is established that Evan is smart, Heather loves him and Cat is NOT in love with him, Heather starts blabbing about his DNA research. That of course piques Cat’s interest. As soon as she sees Evan, she starts bombarding him with questions about the “mutating DNA”, because… you know, that’s just regular party talk. What we learn from Evan is: “L2 Capsids are targeting changes in the basic structure of the DNA” Translation: “Cat you boyfriend may turn into an animal, and I don’t mean that in the sexy way” He also tells her about the PLOT WITH NO PAYOFF, meaning JT’s sketch.

Cat meets Vincent again and she basically tells him he is turning into an animal. Now, that was a little tactless Cat. You can see Vincent letting go of his carefree-festive self and go back to his self-loathing self. You can actually see it on his face as it happens. It’s really sad. I know Cat was acting out of concern, but it was really sad to see the effect her words had on him. He decides to go and she doesn’t stop him! Later, she goes back to the ballroom to give her toast… and I think I’ll transcribe and translate it for you:

“Hi. Um, for those of you who don’t know me, I am Catherine Chandler. I’m my dad’s daughter”  [As opposed to your dad’s cousin?]

“The funny thing is that Brooke and my dad shouldn’t even be together” [there may be a million reasons I shouldn’t be with Vincent]

“They are complete opposites” [I am a regular human, he is a part-time Beast]

“And then there is the age difference. And for a lot of people that would have held them back. Especially given everything we’ve been through” [He was turned into a beast, my mother was killed bla bla tragedy]

“Being in any relationship is a risk. It’s accepting that there are no guarantees. I mean, who knows what the future brings… and going for it, anyway” [I want to be with Vincent, no matter the risks! I don’t care if he is turning into an animal; he looks pretty human to me now!]

“You guys are an inspiration” [I am going after my Beast right now!]

The speech was pretty self-explanatory [indirectly]. Catherine obviously regretted letting Vincent go. She realized the depth of her feelings and she couldn’t wait another second to tell him. She borrows Heather’s car to go after him. And I TOTALLY saw the car crash coming. Car crashes usually annoy me, because we see them SO OFTEN. And yeah, this one was cliché and predictable and it got a little daytime-soap at one point but… the circumstances surrounding it weren’t cliché so I was actually OK with it. Anyway, Cat is driving towards Vincent when suddenly a car hits her from behind. It is PSYCHO SABRINA, and that part I did not see coming. She basically wants to kill Cat for ruining her life. Ironic that the biggest threat of the day was a result of Cat’s work and not Muirfield. PSYCHO SABRINA pulls a gun on Cat and she does the same. They both shoot, Sabrina hits Cat’s shoulder and, since she is the BEST NYPD COP EVER, Cat hits Sabrina’s heart and kills her. Cat faints and that’s when Vincent shows up, because he was walking home? Waiting for Cat? Hitchhiking? Well whatever the case, he was in the right place at the right time. He approaches the car and the door is jammed, so he does what any man would do for the love of his life and beasts out… there goes his theory of being cured. So long carefree festive Vincent… He rips out the door and then ever so gently picks Catherine up. I can’t understand why he is so worried about hurting her. Even in Beast mode he is always so caring with her. As Vincent carries Cat out of the car, unable to change back [due to the adrenaline I suppose], Evan and Heather arrive to the scene. Evan gets out of the car and sees Vincent carrying Cat. END OF EPISODE.

There was a stupidly long hiatus after this episode so I had a lot of time to think about what may happen (it was also in this hiatus that I started obsessing about the show, looking for clips, pics, etc.). I had an entire post-crash scenario in my head; I was even tempted to write a fanfic. I’ll share my idea with you. I imagined Vincent leaving Cat, like he actually did. Evan tries to rescue Cat, but in my imaginary scenario Evan is just an M.E. so he is unable to help her. Vincent changes back to human in the woods and comes back because he IS an E.R. doctor. He saves Cat’s life and then pretends to be a passerby or something. Evan gets suspicious and the plot could have continued as it did, but I really wanted Vincent to be the one to save her … oh well.

Next week on BATB’s summer re-watching… the Alex arc begins dun dun dun. I like to call them the “three unfortunate episodes”. However, I think they may be really fun to recap [if hard to watch] and I’ll explain how I came to terms with the whole arc.

MORE RECAPS HERE

SOURCES:

“How Plays Work”, David Edgar, 2009

QUOTES

Tess: What happened? You burn the quiche?

JT: Clearly your new lease on life has landed you in lala land

Cat: I don’t have time to be promiscuous

Sabrina: No padding your résumé or your bra size

Vincent: I can handle being Vincent Zalanski. Forever.

Tess: Sex is a bad thing? Maybe that’s why you don’t have a date to the wedding

Cat: You are not fake. You’re the real thing

Cat: So what happened? JT begged you to take his place?/ Vincent: No, I begged him

Heather [to Evan]: So tell me about dead bodies